In the beginning of this week I thought this tool was used
mostly with younger children. I used distract and redirect on a daily basis
when my boys were toddlers. However, this week I had several opportunities to
practice this tool in many different ways with my almost 6-year-old.
Sense-of
Humor—Greyson was in a
“flipped lid state of mind” and was saying things such as “I hate you,” “Worst day ever!” or my favorite—“You wish I wasn’t even in this
family.” Instead of flipping my lid back or telling him that what he was saying
was totally ridiculous and untrue, I distracted him with a little unexpected
silliness—tickling him while
saying, “You think I don’t love you?” Then would completely overwhelm him with,
“I love you’s,” and more playful tickles and kisses. Once he was totally
distracted and calm, I was able to use other tools such as validating his
feelings and asking some curiosity questions. After this (connection before
correction) we came up with a plan
(focus on solutions and take time for training) on what we could say or do next
time he was feeling so angry.
Relating—Kids love it when they know you can
relate—another way distracting
and redirecting. Another one of my favorite comments from Greyson is when he
says in his whinny voice, “That’s not fair!” What I want to say in my
irrational and annoyed flipped list state is ‘That’s right—it’s not fair and neither is life!”
But instead—I would relate to
him by sharing a story of when I was his age and experienced something similar
that wasn’t fair. Kids love knowing you have felt the same. It’s endearing when
they say things such as, “You were once five?” or, “Your brother used to get
things or do things you couldn’t do?”
Distraction—If all else fails; you can
completely distract your kids by both completely changing the subject and
making it about you or something that you did or saw that day. Or by saying
with total enthusiasm—“I have
a great idea!” Then come up with a completely new idea or game and hope they
follow your lead with enthusiasm.
Once again, when everyone is calm and you can then follow up with
problem solving and solutions on how we could avoid a major meltdown, saying
hurtful things, fighting with brother, etc.
Hugs—Always one of my favorite tools and
defiantly one that can be use with almost every Positive Discipline tool.
Always a great distraction and way to redirect is to ask your child if he or
she would like a hug? If they say “No!” then ask if they’d give you one,
because “I need a hug.”
Focus on
Solutions—When your
children are in the middle of a conflict—simply
interrupt by saying, “ I have faith in you to come up with a solution. If they
can’t, it is a big distraction to say, “I’ll take this _______ until you all
come up with a solution that everyone agrees on.”
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