My favorite memory of this saying from my childhood was when my mom was lecturing, and complaining about how there were dishes in the sink after she had just done them that morning. My brother quickly responded, "Are we looking for blame or are we looking for solutions?". I think all my mom could say was "touché."
For this weeks tool card in my home I went out of my way to exhaust the saying "Are we looking for blame or are we looking for solutions?"
I also stopped my boys several times when they were arguing/fighting and would kindly remind them that I had faith in them to find a solution to their problem. If they weren't able to problem solve we would stop whatever activity they were doing until they could both agree on one or several solutions.
My youngest son willingly came up with using a timer--several times. Or another favorite--we can _______as soon as. (Both ideas are other popular PD tools).
It's so great when we finally start to see the seed that we've been planting for so long finally grow.
An important point to mention is--focusing on solutions is also one of the main concepts of Family Meetings. Often times the challenges/problems on the agenda can turn into a lecture forum, but instead we're in fact teaching our children and reminding ourselves that instead of finding blame we're searching for solutions.