A silent signal is one of the most simple and yet rewarding
tools. I started this tool when my oldest son was almost 3-years old. It began
when I would get frustrated with him and would raise my voice and get really
stern with him.
As most of us know—we
always feel horrible and guilty after we’ve raised our voices—knowing that we could’ve handled it
better (if only we hadn’t flipped our lids).
I’m always talking about how important it is to model the
behavior we expect from our children. Once again—easier
said than done. The absolute worst feeling is when I hear my older talking or
yelling at his younger brother. It’s ridiculous and embarrassing knowing that
he is speaking that way because of how I spoke to him.
After feeling like a horrible Mother, I explained to Greyson
that I didn’t want to be a screaming Meany Mommy. I asked him if we could come
up with a silent signal to help remind me to take deep breathes and calm down.
I went on to share with him that I always wanted to be able to speak to him in
the same respectful tone that I expect from him.
Greyson came up with the idea that he would touch his nose
to remind me that I needed to calm down and take some deep breaths. I assured
him that it was a brilliant signal and then asked him if I could do the same
one if and when he wasn’t speaking in a calm tone.
Naturally, it was only a few days later that Greyson had the
opportunity to use his silent signal with me; and, of course, it worked like a
gem. I immediately stopped to take a few deep breaths, gave him a hug, and then
got down to to speak to him at eye level.
All the things I should’ve done originally.
Another silent signal we use in our family is putting our
hand over our heart. This signal expresses that we’re having a “flash” which
means a surge of love in our heart. These are moments of deep gratitude and
appreciation for that person. This is a silent signal that I learned from my
childhood and I’m delighted to continue this signal with my family today J
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